It is
important that it takes time, effort and a great deal of patience to blend two
families. Just because the adults have gone through a marriage ceremony or feel
committed to each other, it does not automatically blend personalities,
experiences and expectations. Children in step families have a number of
emotions that come into play when a non-parent suddenly enters the picture.
Life
during the courtship period is frequently unrealistic as well as confusing.
Daily life takes teamwork and cooperation to make a house a home. You may not
be the natural Daddy or the Daddy they wanted, but you do deserve respect.
Respect is earned and does not come automatically.
Step
families Are Special
Parenting
is hard enough in the first place and children love to test the limits of our
patience and skills. Please remember that the children did not ask to be in
this position and are understandably concerned and trying to work out the
relationships in their own minds.
The
child may have been in a position where the mother's boyfriend gave him treats
or special attention in order to win the affections of both mother and child.
Now, in a day-to-day experience it takes a lot of give and take to make the
family work, and rewards are not forthcoming for just being there. Generally
speaking, the premarital adult-child relationships may be confusing for mature
adults as well as children. Therefore Its important to know the full aspects
of Family Systems Theory
Regular
Family Meetings
The
most successful families I have worked with have always had a regular family
meeting or round-table weekly. This enables all members of the blended family
to discuss issues, set goals and clarify situations. These meetings, which
allow both parents and children to participate and become empowered. Held on a
weekly basis, many small problems can be solved before they become large ones.
Discussing
problems and expectations on a regular basis allows everyone to feel part of
the team. Make sure that you and your spouse are united on goals for the family
and that you show respect and kindness to each other and the children. A good
parenting plan includes all responsible adults.
You
Are Not My Daddy
One of
the main issues of step parenting is to do your level best to respect and honor
the relationship the child has with the biological parent, but still offering
love and attention. Talk about the biological parent in positive or neutral
terms. If you speak negatively about the parent, the child will feel defensive,
guilty and as if he too was being judged harshly.
If the
biological or "real daddy" was negligent or a poor parent, your job
is to empathize with the child. As you demonstrate that you are going to be a
permanent, but loving part of the child's life, there will be less and less
power struggles.
You
will find many suggestions and tips on building a strong family foundation.
Thanks
for reading this piece of content of caring parents, family members,coaches,
teachers and mentors who want to help raise a generation of responsible adults
who respect others.
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